crossing fingers!!!!

omg this day is sooo big. this could be the beginning of the rest of my life pretty much. I am waiting to hear back from the job that i had my second interview with yesterday. It felt like it went really well and and if i get the job i start on monday! which will be sooo sweet! i'm reallly excited for this. I am really hoping that I snipe this opportunity! Thank god for linkedin...that's how they found me...i was starting to think that that thing was pretty worthless but i totally change my mind! what an awesome network that thing is when it is used to its full potential! ahhh crazy! newhooo wish me luckk! cross your fingers and toes!

day seven.

so it's been seven days since a certain someone has decided that i am not worth talking to over a stupid dilemma that isnt even my fault. I am frustrated beyond belief, annoyed, irritated, well...i guess you all get the point. all in all i am none too pleased. however; as i was sitting around thinking about what a bummer it is, i couldn't help but think about how many times i sit in a position just like this, or similar to this and it's time to face it...most of the time it is just simply not worth stressing over.

easier said than done?

i think not.

why do we always think that the things that are best for us are easier said that done to achieve? It is almost like we live in a world where we think that we should be punished for things just because we all know that no one is perfect. So because nobody is perfect we make excuses for the things that go wrong and the people that cause them, giving second chances, faking romances, when in fact we shouldn't be doing this at all. what we shoudld be doing is realizing how much we do in fact deserve and then never settling for anything less than that. what on earth is the point of allowing yourself to feel shitty at the mercy of someone elses actions, immature actions at that.

As intelligent humans, we all know when we have done something wrong. To accept that and to own up to it is already a huge thing on its own but it is to actually mean it that means the most. And being genuine about whatever your issue is, shines through beyond anything and enables people to forgive you.

Don't get my wrong, my point here is not to say that we should never forgive, i actually cannot say that I am one to believe in grudges or hold them at all. What I am saying is that it is important to forgive for the right reasons, know why you are forgiving, and know that the apology is genuine. However, it is not okay to let just anyone be worthy of your forgiveness. I feel like there needs to be a point where you draw the line for self respect.

It seems as though i have been blinded too many times, thought i've known somebody, thought they actually understood me and then boom. you're blindsided, left without a clue and are expected to wait until they are ready to make it better. This concept is not only ridiculous to me because it is happening now, but more ridiculous because i have let it happen before and i refuse to let it happen again.

Ignoring and avoiding a situation does not make anything better. It adds frustration and hatred to a situation that could EASILY be avoided if both parties decided to be adults at the same time. If this is an issue now, who's to say that it won't be one in the future? even bigger in nature?

As much as people tell me this situation can be saved, and that things will work out, i can't help but ask myself if that is what i really want. Do i really want to go back to a situation where something is held over my head and thrown in my face when the time comes? Something that could have easily been avoided with a little compromise? By day seven i feel as though i should be moving past not running in place; and the only reason why i am running in place is because i cannot discuss my issue with the other party.

So at the end of the day i ask you this..

Will day seven be the day that you finally let yourself deserve better?

the longest road.

crushing on these lyrics right nowwww.

Giddy up and go
We'll go so far as we please

Giddy up and gold mine
Different place, different time
All the stars are in their prime
Pastel trailer park, stars so bright to hide the dark
All is quiet in the yard

Giddy up and gold dust, all the cars turn to rust
You've got no means for wanderlust
Pastel trailer park, stars so bright to hide the dark
All is quiet in the yard

If you are so frequently in love
If you prefer it all to me then my love
You go down the longest road to nowhere
You pull it apart and you're just left there

Giddy up and gold mine, horse dust down time
Its my life, its my time, we've been gettin' nowhere
Gold mine, different place, different time
Hold me down, Hold me down
Hope will be found, Follow me

If you are so frequently in love
If you prefer it all to me then my love
You go down the longest road to nowhere
You pull it apart and your just left there

They're waiting for it, you're waiting for it
And you're waving in it, and you're craving in it
If you fill my cup with all you must
To speak from something

If you are so frequently in love
If you prefer it all to me then my love
You go down the longest road to nowhere
You pull it apart and your just left there
You go down the longest road to nowhere
You pull it apart and your just left there.

bummer.

there's only so long i can be bummed.
ive learned how to deal with this shit now.
i dunno if it's worse that i can deal with it or that it keeps happening.
i keep picking the wrong people.
hoping that this time it will be different.
but let's face it. flaws eventually become flaws you have to deal with and later becomes today and there is nothing you can do to fix it.
f m l
royally.